Prancing with Pachyderms; Butt Watchers and Sexy Kitten Skaters?

On Tuesday we made a daytrip with our good friends Sharon and Joyce to Two Tails Ranch, an elephant sanctuary and educational facility in Williston, Florida, about an hour’s drive from The Villages. “I’m sorry, Ty, did you say an “elephant sanctuary?” Yes, My Dear, that’s what I said... a sanctuary for elephants, in particular Elephas maximus, Asian elephants. We arrived for a two hour visit and were immediately met noisily by Donny, the official ranch greeter and security guard. Donny is actually a duck...  here is Donny making sure I found the facilities... (Joyce, thank you for the picture - I knew I could count on you not to miss a thing!)

Then Suzanne tried to communicate with Katherine (shown at left), but had some difficulty making herself understood... or was it the other way around?

Katherine the Ostrich is a Common Ostrich, Struthio camelus. My Lovely Bride noted Katherine’s unusual feet, which have only two toes - the inner toe has a nail-like appendage about 4 inches long. (She obviously hasn't had a pedicure in months!) The feet and legs are designed for speed; ostriches can run at speeds up to 43 mph, and can cover 10-16 feet in a single stride. They need that speed, because their natural enemies are cheetahs, lions, leopards, hyenas and African hunting dogs. They can outrun all but cheetahs, but the other predators use ambush techniques to prey on the ostrich.

Patricia Zerbini and a staff member, Colin, then gave us a thorough introduction into the farm and these magnificent animals. Patricia is a ninth generation animal handler. Just in case you are generationally challenged, that’s approximately 300 years of family history caring for animals! She started Two Tails Ranch in 1985, and has cared for over 100 elephants over the years, including scores of Ringling Brothers Circus animals. Patricia also works with zoos and animal parks across the country. She has four elephants at the ranch now, the largest of which, Luke, shown here with Patricia, weighs about 12,000 lbs.  Lest you think that running an elephant sanctuary is an easy job, Patricia has had only four days off since 1985... one day to give birth to each of her four sons.

Luke is actually a gifted and very enthusiastic painter. Here he is applying the second set of delicate brushstrokes to an original work. 

Known as megaherbivores, elephants eat about 250 lbs of food a day, typically hay and grain. (The ranch has a few volunteers... never enough... to help clean up the elephants’ outdoor and indoor living areas... you can imagine that Pachyderm Poop Patrol must be a full time job, making mucking horse stables seem like a relatively minor occupation. Let’s see, do I use a shovel or a front end loader?)

In India, elephant keepers are called mahouts. It is a highly regarded profession, and the mahout and his elephant often bond closely. The ankus, a wooden stick with a metal hook on the end, is used control the elephant. Females are more easily controlled than males. (Not typical human behavior, I know, but bear with me...) The bull elephant occasionally has a periodic condition called musth, during which his testosterone levels jump up to 60 times normal. The bull then can become extremely violent and unpredictable, attacking anything and anyone in sight, smell or hearing. (I will not make any comparisons to a similar human condition [affecting either sex] in this blog... I have a strong sense of self-preservation.)

My Lovely Bride, Sharon and Joyce all wanted to have a turn at sitting atop Luke the Pachyderm. I chose to act as family photographer, thinking that Rudy and Gretchen would not understand if I returned home smelling like an elephant.  

Here are two links to two short YouTube videos that Suzanne took of  Luke performing some tricks and painting. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3VBzD93J9E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uANWeedso4g

It was great fun, and we all recommend Two Tails Ranch for a good time with the elephants and the other exotic animals. The ranch survives on visitors like us and other promotional events, and we hope you will support its efforts to help elephants. Here is a link to Two Tails Ranch: http://allaboutelephants.com/  Here are Joyce, Sharon, My Lovely Bride, and Your Faithful Corresponchdent, with Roxie the Elephant in the background. 

After our visit, we adjourned to a local cafe for a late lunch of chicken and dumplings; Mexican chicken, beans and rice; and for me, chicken fried steak, the first I have had in 20 years. (Normally My Lovely Bride ensures I eat healthily, but when on the road I am given some latitude - I almost chose the liver and onions). Suzanne is making fun of my menu choice...

On a totally unrelated subject, about six months ago Suzanne decided to apply for a trademark for her “Love-Centered Living” program. We filled in the paperwork on the US Patent and Trademark Office’s website. After several “paperwork drills” and dozens of letters from “helpful patent lawyers” who assured us that without their costly help, we were doomed to failure, we were notified that the trademark was tentatively approved and is now posted in the Trademark Gazette. When I opened the link, I found that we were included with a thousand or so other new trademarks, including some very novel and interesting titles, such as: Spud Dude; Over 50 Not 6 Feet Under; That’s the Way Me Likes It; Butt Watchers; Ghoulish Glamour; Grinning Goose Bakery; Clueless Emperors; Deerzilla; Psychotic; Dork Age of Cantaloupe; Damn Near Naked; and Sexy Kitten Skaters (from the Bronx, where else?)... I am not making these up; I think they all fall under the category of “Truth is Stranger than Fiction.” (I also suspect that not all of these trademarks are spiritually-based...)